How do you begin to thank someone when they've done something so great for you that everything you think of to do for them just isn't enough. B and I have sat for 4 days now wondering how to thank a man and a team for saving our daughter's life. She hung lifelessly out of my body for 1:57 seconds, there were 63 seconds standing between her life and her death. There was nothing we could do but watch a team of people trained for those 63 seconds and pray that God touched their hands and that she would breathe, whimper, do something! Anything.
I sat with my legs in stirrups with my daughter hanging out of me, her face black and blue and that's when I locked eyes with my doctor and I saw the urgency in his blue eyes when he yelled at me to push with everything I had because she was in danger.
Completely unmedicated I watched as each step was taken to get her out, I had to be cut to make room for her without anything to numb the area. I would've taken that pain 1,000 times to keep her. I was screaming bloody murder as the team was fighting so hard for her in the chaos I got elbowed in the eye. Again a small black eye, another pain I would take over and over for this outcome. The nurses, the techs, the NICU team, the RTs... all ready for their role but one particular nurse, Bridgette. She held my face and we locked eyes and she fiercely told me I was going to do this and I was going to blow out and bare down chin to chest and I was going to do the final thing to get her out. I screamed that I couldn't, I still regret saying that about myself because somehow I did... I could've lifted a car with my strength because in my heart it was the only thing standing between two different outcomes.
Out she came, completely purple. B didn't know what to say to me when I asked if "our baby" was ok (I still didn't know her gender). He didn't get to cut the cord, we didn't get some "firsts" but I'd do it all again for her. For W.
We're still wondering what the last effort would've been if I failed and if the episiotomy didn't do it, if those 63 seconds had passed, had that nurse not lit fire in my soul and had my doctor not been the most invaluable human being we needed in those moments; if his eyes weren't so piercing and his voice so profound. Had he not put in every single effort and skill he has as an OBGYN. Had he not flown in that room with all his heart and vengeance to save her, we might not have her sitting here, cooing and healing beautifully.
In fact, I know we wouldn't. Dr. Bill Hudson, you're different than most because your work isn't just done with your hands, but with your heart. Sometimes this isn't the outcome for every family, and in those times of great sorrow, I'm sorry for you and especially for them. But on this day, at 4:45 pm you were able to save our daughter W and for that, we are thankful beyond what we're even able to truly express. Go to work another day knowing how special and how revered you are to us and many.