Maureen was my nurse in the PACU after I had surgery to remove a tumor from my ovary that was found in a routine gynecological appointment 6 weeks prior. The 6 weeks between my initial appointment and the surgery to remove the tumor were, without exaggeration, the worst and scariest of my life. I have suffered from intense medical anxiety since childhood which was recently made worse by trauma from an assault that has, among other things, made me extremely uncomfortable having male providers involved in any gynecological-specific care. Everyone involved in the testing and exams needed to locate and visualize the mass--my gynecologist and oncologist, ultrasound and MRI technicians, nurses, etc--were professional and kind, but the nature of these procedures given my history meant that they felt extremely violating and re-traumatizing, and I went to the hospital for my surgery fearing that I would be too scared to advocate for myself or that my concerns would not be taken seriously. I was scared enough of the possibility of a cancer diagnosis and/or infertility, and the added stress of wanting to request female nurses and providers wherever possible without being offensive or complicating things too much felt beyond overwhelming.

I woke up in the PACU anxious and in pain, immediately asking if my surgeon was able to save my ovary and if she took any biopsies during the surgery (my surgeon told me she would do this only if the initial testing of the mass showed that it was not benign). My ovary and fallopian tube couldn't be saved, and my surgeon had taken biopsies during the procedure, two bits of news that were extremely upsetting to me, especially in a post-anesthesia haze. Maureen comforted me and always ensured that my physical pain was promptly addressed. She had no information about the testing of the tumor, but she (and another wonderful nurse) called my surgical team repeatedly to ensure that someone would come speak to me about their findings before I was discharged from the hospital. When I was lucid enough to remember that I would eventually be moved to a different discharge area, I knew that I had to ask Maureen if it would be possible for her to ensure that I ended up with another female nurse. When I explained my history and anxieties to her through tears, she said, "Thank you so much for telling me, because now I know how to advocate for what you need." Maureen ultimately arranged for me to be discharged with her in the PACU, not only ensuring that I didn't end up in a situation that would make me uncomfortable but also ensuring that I wouldn't have to meet anyone new at all on a day that had been full of strangers. I cannot tell you how much this meant, and continues to mean, to me. 

My surgeon was able to come and update me on the procedure before I was discharged, and while she did not have bad news, I would be leaving the hospital without the answers I hoped for and without knowing when this situation would end. As someone who already tends to have an emotional reaction to anesthesia, adding the physical pain, the added stress of the past 6 weeks, and the news from my surgeon to the mix left me hysterical. I will never forget how gentle and patient Maureen was with me. I don't remember everything from that day, but I remember her rubbing my shoulder and saying: "It's okay to be upset, this has been so scary and you were so brave. You are doing such a great job." In the tough days since my surgery, I have repeated her words to myself. 

I can't say that I hope to end up in the PACU any time soon, but I do hope that if I do, Maureen is there to be with me. I hope she is able to read this and to know that I really needed her that day and have been so thankful for her ever since.