Our world was turned upside down. Our beautiful, fun-loving, popular, and confident 16-year-old daughter attempted to take her own life. For many years she has struggled with ADHD and we knew the impact it had on her relationships, attitude, and grades. What we did not realize was that she was hiding behind her big smile and was often times very sad and lonely.
Her brother moved to California a few days before her overdose. Her boyfriend also left for college that same week. As she was getting ready to head to the High School, to register for her junior year of classes, terrible thoughts crossed her mind. Mostly, she felt lonely and missed her brother and boyfriend terribly, but she also thought about the girls she considered friends since elementary and how they ended their friendship several months prior. She wasn't willing to succumb to "parties", "drinking", or "staying out all night" and for that, she was criticized and left alone. This made her doubt her importance and ability to cope appropriately with her loneliness.
She felt extremely sad. She decided in one brief vulnerable moment that the world was better off without her. Her attitude was focused on her own theory that everyone leaves so why should she stick around. Fortunately, she sent an email to her boyfriend to share her thoughts. Perhaps, a cry for help, but nonetheless a very important message. Her boyfriend texted both my husband and me and we were able to send help right away. Her grandparents found her distraught, scared, feverish, clutching her teddy bear. An ambulance escorted her, her grandmother and her teddy bear to Toledo Children's Hospital where she would spend the next three days on the pediatric psychology floor.
For a parent leaving your child to stay in an environment that seems so institutionalized was heartbreaking. To her, it was terrifying and scary. A few key personal items that helped provide her comfort had to be taken home as they were believed to be unsafe with her at the hospital. One key item was her teddy bear. She has slept with a doll or stuffed animal since the day she was born. Unfortunately, she was not allowed to keep her bear with her. During her first night at the hospital, she was marked "inconsolable". She cried for a couple of hours because she couldn't sleep. She was alone, in a strange place, without the comfort of her teddy bear. She begged to at least call her parents, but the nurses had to follow protocol, and she was denied the opportunity to contact us as well.
She described her first night as, "I feel like I'm being punished and am in a prison!" During our one hour visit, she begged us to "break her out" and take her home. She was willing to go through the programs, but couldn't stand the thought of staying there another night. I spoke to the nurses and asked if I could please buy a new teddy bear that met their requirements and was told most definitely NO. During our next visit in the late afternoon/early evening, she begged us again to take her home and was terrified that she would have to stay another night in her hospital room. Unfortunately, we wanted her to get the help she needed and had no options but to make her stay. We spoke to the nurse and told him that we really wanted to get her a teddy bear. We felt if she had something to cuddle she would feel less alone and may have a better chance of getting through the night. Unfortunately, he also said we could not bring in a bear from the outside, but instead of an adamant NO, he said that he would see what he could do.
When we returned for our final visit that evening she was smiling from ear to ear. Nurse Steven Keith had contacted Child Life Services and had a large teddy bear sent up to the room for her. Prior to leaving for his shift that night, he gave the bear to her and told her he hoped it would help her to sleep.
No words can describe how grateful we are for Steve and his desire to help her. A simple gesture, some out of the box thinking, a caring nurse, and a generous Child Life team made a huge impact on our daughter. We were confident when we left that evening that she would have the comfort and companionship she longed for. She didn't have to feel alone and could finally rest with the comfort of her new teddy bear.
She did sleep that evening and she also got to go home the next day. She has her bear in her room at home. She knows it made a huge difference in her recovery and is a reminder that she doesn't ever have to feel alone. When we think about the bear it reminds us that the little things can make a big difference. No child should ever feel punished when receiving life-saving care at our hospitals. In fact, we have an opportunity to be exactly what our patients want us to be! She needed an advocate, a champion and Nurse Steve filled that role.
By year end, my husband and I will be sending over some new large stuffed animals to Child Life. We know the patients will cherish them as much as our daughter loves hers.